Tag Archives: parody

KitchenAid Unveils New Lobster Sedation Kit To Reduce Cruelty Of Boiling Them Alive

“KitchenAid has developed a more humane method of lobster preparation that helps manage the pain a lobster feels upon being dropped into a 16-quart pot of scalding-hot water,” said company spokesperson Carolyn Green, adding that marine biologists and chefs had confirmed the kit’s proprietary blend of powerful anesthesia and rich, hand-churned butter alleviated the pain of a lobster’s blistering hot demise by up to 65%, while also improving flavor considerably. >click to read< 18:23

President Trump Announces 12 Year Ban On Offshore Wind Power Development

April1st – Early this morning President Donald J. Trump announced a total moratorium on the
planning, development, and construction of offshore windmills for the next twelve years. The President
cited numerous reasons for his decision and declared “This part of the Green New Deal is dead, the only
thing green about offshore wind is the money being thrown around of which the taxpayers and
electricity users will be forced to pay back in excessive electric rates and subsidies.” By Boris Badenuff>click to read<21:15

Red Lobster Criticized For Decimating Biscuit Populations Along Cheddar Bay

CHEDDAR BAY, ME—Warning that local stocks had been depleted to dangerous levels, environmentalists criticized Red Lobster on Wednesday for its part in decimating biscuit populations along Cheddar Bay. “It’s no coincidence that the biscuit population has dropped an alarming 84 percent since Red Lobster was founded in 1968,” said Roger Gross, researcher at the Marine & Environmental Research Institute, adding that the rate at which Red Lobster has been harvesting biscuits from the bay was unsustainable, click here to read the rest 11:44