DOGE DISCOVERS SHOCKING EXPERIMENTS TO TURN MANATEE’S INTO MANASHE’S By Jane Lovgren
In a shocking revelation today, Elon Musk announced that his Department of Government Efficiency had discovered an incredibly disturbing use of taxpayer money by the National Institute of Health to transform endangered Manatee’s into Manashe’s. The project has been ongoing since 2012, starting during the Obama administration, at the urging of “Big Mike”, a shadowy figure with close ties to the President. While DOGE is still wading through the complex funding mechanisms, they have documented over fifty million dollars spent on this experiment, the purpose of which was to save the Manatees from extinction by allowing them to impregnate themselves, thus eliminating the need for males altogether.
The leading scientist in this endeavor, the NIH’s Dr. Faucistein, claims that this disturbing research is groundbreaking. “We have effectively stopped the gonadal development in young male Manatees, and with the use of estrogen and surgeries have created true hermaphroditic Manashe’s capable of conceiving and giving birth by themselves. If we can have a few hundred million more dollars we will be able to double the number of reproducing females in the
Manatee population. The male Manatee’s serve no other purpose except to supply sperm, otherwise they just eat everything, so to eliminate this unnecessary mouth from the ecosystem will actually save the endangered Manatee population.” Three years ago, almost a quarter of Florida’s Manatee population supposedly died of starvation over the winter due to lack of food. The food shortage was caused by a loss of aquatic vegetation in Florida’s vast freshwater
system of rivers, lakes and streams, primarily caused by over development of sensitive wetlands. The revelation of these experiments on Manatee’s raises the question of how many actually died of starvation, or was this just a cover-up to hide how many were killed by these cruel experiments?
The secret NIH lab located on the shores of a remote inland Florida lake, is known by the locals as Transylvania. They refuse to go anywhere near there and have reported incidents of distressed Manatee’s in the lake but nobody from the government ever comes to check out their complaints. A local resident, requesting anonymity, said that they have heard rumors of disturbing research being performed at the lab, and now, thanks to DOGE, everybody knows
exactly what has been going on there. This disclosure of the waste of taxpayer dollars on such a cruel experiment, follows on a few other disclosures of questionable scientific value such as the transgender mice experiments. Also, recent experiments involved applying lipstick on pigs, to see whether it positively affected their self-esteem, and another, which tried to create a flying pig by crossbreeding it with a California Condor. Investigations into how much taxpayer money was wasted on those experiments are still ongoing. When Elon was asked when we would find out how much money was wasted, he replied, “When pigs can fly.” That day may be here sooner than we thought.
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