Tag Archives: Duffel Blog
United States Navy testing wind-turbine powered aircraft carriers
The United States Navy is currently testing aircraft carriers powered solely by wind turbines announced Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del Toro during a recent appearance at the US Naval Academy. The Secretary proudly spoke to the Midshipmen about the historic change. “We are embarking in a bold green direction, transitioning from the aging nuclear reactors of yesterday to the efficient use of sustainable wind energy, something we’ve never done before!” “The USS Al Gore will be complete with testing in late 2024. Initial testing has revealed a substantial decrease in speed which has only made the already dangerous take-off and landing exponentially more so. more, >>CLICK TO READ<< 09:53
Coast Guard boat crashing through waves is having a f*cking blast!
CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT — Witnesses in the southwestern corner of Washington state have reported that a 47-foot Coast Guard vessel was last seen having the time of its f*cking life crashing through gigantic 18-foot breakers past the Columbia River bar. The Coast Guard boat, known for its durability in treacherous weather, was heard yelling things like “WEEEEEEEEE!!!” and “Guys guys guys guys guys, waaaatch this, BWOOOOSHHHH!!” >click to read< 08:46
Coast Guard confirms new icebreaker will be ready just in time for Hell to freeze over
With three icebreakers at over 40 years of use and abuse in the Polar Regions, the Coast Guard finally announced that the new icebreaker currently under construction will be complete just in time for Hell to freeze over. In a recent hearing of the House Subcommittee on the Coast Guard on Monday, chairman Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) asked U.S. Coast Guard vice commandant Adm. Charles D. Michel on whether or not a new icebreaker would be constructed at all. Adm. Michel responded with, “Yes, we have been in talks with Lucifer and his Minions of Doom regarding the deadline and we are all in agreement that this timeline works for us.” “This is very exciting,” said former serial killer Ted Bundy, from the the Seventh Circle of Hell. “Our all-knowing and gloriously hateful lord of fire will be able to continue his reign of sin on the unholy all thanks to the speedy manufacturing of Vigor Industrial Shipyard and the US Coast Guard.” Read the rest here 08:17
