Hollywood to begin filming new Coast Guard movie that no one will watch

A new action-thriller movie based on true experiences from a search-and-rescue unit is set to be the next Coast Guard movie that no one will actually watch, sources confirmed today. “The Impossible Rescue” stars actor Tom Hardy, whose acting credits include “Inception” and “Mad Max: Fury Road.” Sources say Hardy will be the main protagonist whose rescue efforts saved a bunch of people or whatever. Though the sources added that, what’s the point anyway since nobody will see a Coast Guard movie no matter who the fuck is in it. With Ashton Kutcher and Chris Pine already sporting lead roles in Coast Guard films and supporting roles with Kevin Costner and Casey Affleck, star power seems to have zero effect on audience draw, the sources said. Sources say the film’s cast will also include a generic white woman who will be a two-dimensional love interest, an up-and-coming young actor from some TV show you’ve never watched, while an aging actor that you’ve seen in a bunch of movies but can’t remember his goddamn name will play the unit’s commanding officer. Read the story here 09:41

  • Ec Newell Man

    You do realize that stories from the Duffel Blog are on par with stories from the Onion….poor humor at best that leaves the reader quickly realizing how he lost a few moments of his life that he will never get back. Goodness, who wouldn’t pay 15 dollars to watch a chemically performance-enhanced Tom Hardy channeling the super-natural life saving abilities of Bruce Willis, Stallone and the new guy flopping on the Apprentice in a on the water adventure? C’mon Bore Head, haven’t we learned that Hollywood grosses on movies are akin to fishery management numbers….only believed by those putting them together?….I see a winner here….at least for the guy in my neighborhood selling the bootleg DVDs by the end of the year.

    • Borehead

      Yes, Ec, Duffle blog is humor, and once in awhile, Its entertaining enough to post. If it can get a giggle or two its worth it! When your neighbor gets done with the DVD, do you think he’ll loan it out? I’m too cheap to buy it!!

      • Ec Newell Man

        Not a problem Bore Head….and I doubt the movie will be as bad as they same in the story. ‘The Guardian’ was a decent movie, but you know these days the movie going public tends to show more interest in 50 Shades of Gray than on a movie of men who are risking life and limb.